PINK EYE!

I just started reading The Power of Humility by R. T. Kendall.  In the first chapter, Kendall discusses pride and our desire to be recognized, acknowledged and praised for our good deeds.  "I can safely promise you that any accolade, humiliation, monument, criticism, put-down, compliment, praise, disappointment, lie, statue, honor, or prize here on earth will mean nothing then.  Nothing.  Except how we handled such things-which will largely determine what God thinks of us" (15).  After reading that statement, I immediately thought of the blogpost.  Why am I signing on each week to blog?  Because I have to?  Because I like it?  Because I want others to see my wise and insightful thoughts?  After I post, I always like to check to see if someone commented on my post or gave me a "svenhard."  Why? Because then I feel like I am being "recognized," "praised," or "honored" because of MY profound reflections.  But, as R. T. Kendall goes on to say, "The way up is down."  The first shall be the last... He who humbles himself will be exalted...  I am so worried about myself and how others perceive me that I completely ignore the purpose of my existence, which is not to be recognized by everyone, awarded, and esteemed, but to humbly serve the one who humbly served.
I shared this with the Admin Team, but teaching has caused me to become one of the most proud, un/non/dishumble (whatever prefix comes before) people I know.  I attribute "MY" students' successes to "MY" hardwork, diligence, skill, and abilities.  Does God get any of the glory?
I so badly desire for the test scores to come back and show that I was able to make 95% of the students I teach pass the state exam.  I want to put things up and outside of the room so that when the principal walks in she is impressed by ME.  I want the recognition because I "deserve" it!  Man, I get so caught up and wrapped up in myself. 
"Jesus made it very clear to the crowd that it wasn't Moses who gave the bread, but it was My Fatherwho gives you the true bread out of heaven.  God gave the manna in the desert, not Moses.  Such confusion regularly happens: God does a new work and some human gets the credit."  Yep, I get the credit!  Because it was ME who did it. 
I remember my first summer driving: it was all about me.  I wanted to be the best driver, pull the best banana boat and wakeboard runs, be the "cool" driver, the funny guy at the Thursday Night program, the laid-back driver, the one who didn't want campers to think he was uncool, etc.  I was so consumed by myself... But, boy did God humble me by the end of the summer.  The houseboat I drove broke down, the ski boat broke down, I got pink eye!, etc. etc.  I was quickly reminded, as I am today, that it is not about me getting the credit, but God.  It's not about the score the camper gives me on the evaluation at the end of the week (that used to be the first thing I would like at every weekend).  It's about God.  And, it's so simple.  I need to take myself less seriously... (heck, I don't want pink eye again!). 
In all seriousness, it is Jesus who gives us the Bread-not the bread they use to make svenhards, not the bread we use to make grilled cheese-but the Bread of Life.  I still don't completely know what that means, but what I do know is that: I am incapable of giving that Bread to anyone.  It can only come from one Place.  No matter how many people I point to MYSELF, no many how many awards/recognitions I get, I will never be satisfied and I will never be able to fully satisfy someone else.  Only Jesus can truly satisfy. Only Jesus can feed me, the students I teach, my administration, my coworkers, my friends, my family, etc... the Bread of Life.  It's time to get over myself.