This past weekend was extremely eye-opening to me. I have been at an impasse with God for the past year (since I was a Barney actually) and I couldn't figure out what was creating this growing gap. It wasn't until I began to identify myself with Paul did I realize what was wrong.
I realized that I was like Saul, I persecuted those who I viewed to be wrong regardless of their reasons. Like Saul I avoided God's truth and held tight to my version of His law. And like Saul I observed Godly people but ignored their nobility all because of my stubbornness of wanting to be right. I manipulated God's will to become my own only with Gods title plastered on it. Granted I haven't been like this completely since I gave my life to Christ 5 years ago, but I have still struggled with my stubbornness sense then.
Now I am like Paul (with remnants of Saul of course,) I am redeemed, saved, and valued. I turned from my laws to minister with my language. My standard rules grew to accompany my new found faith. Even if my personality is hard to understand I use my words to describe me as best as I can. Like Paul I over explain my statements, and gratefulness in order to not create misunderstandings. I also tend to only believe in things I see and not in just words alone. Like Paul I've done a 180 and constantly fall into pitfalls. (Like Paul describes in Romans.) Regardless of my shortcomings as Saul/Paul, I am SAVED.
This identification that I discovered led me to understand my 3 A's.
Admit = Admit to God your sins and understand (mostly) why they were wrong.
Allow = Allow God to break you of your sins, and begin to change you. If you don't He will never try to change you.
Admire = Admire God for His grace and rejoice in Him.
I was stuck in the Allow part, my issue of stubbornness got in the way of allowing God to change my stubbornness. I have come to realize that I must constantly drop my stubbornness and pride in order to grow and let God refine me into gold.
I AM SAVED! :)
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